Lose Yourself
by xXxUnReQuitEdxXx
Summary: "I will tame that beast inside you, Nikita. You will know only one master, and she is me, only me." There was no plan b, only the choice of sacrifice that landed Nikita in the hands of her tormentor. Poised to release her inner beast, will she be rescued in time? Will Alex admit her feelings? How will Michael react?


"I will tame that beast inside you, Nikita. You will know only one master, and she is me, only me." There was no plan b, only the choice of sacrifice that landed Nikita in the hands of her tormentor. Poised to release her inner beast, will she be rescued in time? Will Alex admit her feelings? How will Michael react?

Disclaimer: Of course, I do not own Nikita in any way.

Warning: This story does get a bit dark, and that is not an understatement.

Enjoy! Any feedback, questions, and opinions are welcomed.

**Chapter 1**

That was preposterous. Alex refused to accept the announcement, "Famed Heroic Assassins, Nikita, Deemed MIA". Nikita was the lonesome strongest woman she has ever known, and come to love. Love… this was not something Alex was quite prepared to accept.

Single-handedly saved by Nikita, Alex came to respect the woman. Nikita was the one who taught her dexterity of their trade, imprint on her the morals of humanity, and the one who bestowed upon her a chance at freedom. But these traits were not the only ones that drew Alex and to Nikita.

How would Nikita react to this? She would certainly be at the losing end. Actually, anyone would be if they were up against Michael. But this was not the time to ponder about love. There were more important matters at hand. Surely the news were being presumptuous. There was no evidence that Nikita was missing, of course except that fact that she has not returned. Maybe she got caught up in the middle. Obstacles came and went at unexpected times. This has got to just be a delay.

But even as Alex was trying to convince herself that this was a small falter in their plan, she was becoming increasingly more worried. What if, just what if, something terrible did happen to Nikita? No! She can let go of anyone in this world. God can take everyone except for Nikita. Alex is positive there is no recovering from this.

"_If you die, I die."_

Before drowning in more negative thoughts, a comforting voice pulled her back. Birkoff seemed to always have impeccable timing, "Alex I know you're worrying. But don't forget, this is Nikita we are talking about."

Alex smiled for a brief second for his attempt, but she is not so easily convinced. Before tears slipped from her eyes, she said, "It's not just Nikita that I'm worried about. It's Amanda."

Amanda approached Nikita, hand raised to feel the woman's sculpt jaw. Nikita's face squinted to reflect the disgust that she did not attempt to contain. Amanda honestly felt the stab at her heart, but knew that this will soon be… fixed. After all, one must learn to respect, fear, and altogether love her master.

"You will need to get over the feeling of revulsion you feel," Amanda advised as she gently stroked Nikita's jawline, "We are, after all, so similar."

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you, but we are nothing alike."

"You will never fully understand how much you've pained me," Amanda confessed as she stepped away from Nikita. She wanted Nikita to see the pain that seeped through in form of destruction and anger. She wanted Nikita to know how much she has suffered from her rejection. Nikita will see and she will submit.

"Nikita, look at me," Amanda said, her voice shaking. This was the moment of confrontation. There were no distractions, no saviours, and certainly no chances of liberation. This was the moment of Amanda and Nikita, untwisting their twisted story.

Nikita refused, her eyes stinging the cement wall that contained them. Her eyes are watery, but from what?

Amanda would not accept nor stand another refusal from Nikita. Surely Nikita has defied her too many times over. "Look at me!" she yelled, frightening the restrained woman. Nikita immediately turned, her gaze reluctantly staring at her worst nightmare.

"Do you know see what you've done to me, to everyone around you? You've made me do things that could have been avoided. You are the one who cut open detrimental wounds and then spray salt on them. You are the one who wastes unnecessary blood and the one who preys on dispensable lives. And to this day, you're so well-practiced that you don't even see what chaos you bring," Amanda said with clear anger seeping from between her lips. Her gaze never left Nikita. She was waiting for a reaction, and more specifically, a cry for forgiveness.

Nikita remained speechless, though her eyes were unmistakably more watery. Her breath became heavier, until finally she was unable to hold her strong stare. Her eyes close, relieving her tears and trying to handle the harsh truth. Yes, Amanda was right. She was the perfect monster that destroyed people; as a matter of fact, she was so great that she did it without even realizing. As much as she hated to admit, Amanda was (no, she _is_) the mentor who reminded her of her potentials.

"And you started all of this with," Amanda continued, "me."

Upon hearing that, Nikita's eyes struck open. She frowned attempting to understand what Amanda meant, her string of thoughts lost in confusion.

Amanda sensed Nikita's bewilderment, making her smile.

"You've lost me," Nikita said, wanting to probe for more.

"I've lost you in more than one way," Amanda replied, not losing her smile.

"Stop playing mind games with me. No more mysteries, no more code words. Just tell me what the hell you want to tell me," Nikita said venting her frustration.

"There is no hurry, Nikita. There is a time and place for everything. We do, after all, have all the time in the world."

Imagining a lifetime with Amanda was something Nikita could not imagine. Her life was doomed to staring at the mundane walls, forgetting the smell of fresh air, longing to see her family, missing her love, and staring at the monster that desires her solitude. Amanda's scarred face was the only gift she has. She could not bear these thoughts; there has to be something that can be done to change all of this. But with no plan b or other plans, all she could do was react. In vexation Nikita desperately yanked her neck, arms, and legs hoping that this was all a nightmare she can simply awaken from.

Amanda shot Nikita with her hidden tranquilizer gun, rendering her unconscious and oblivious to her hopelessness, "Don't worry, my love, this is only the beginning."


End file.
